what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
