Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
