Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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