I got chris browned last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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