I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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