i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
