You can't special order awesome
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
