that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We talked him into tasing himself.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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