And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
