Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
