I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
