i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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