Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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