she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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