On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
