i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
