Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
