You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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