My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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