i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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