I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
