we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
