I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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