My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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