yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
