giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Someone came in the potted fern
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
