My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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