my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
