True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
