I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
