I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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