I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
