I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize