I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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