i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize