Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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