Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
