Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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