someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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