im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
