As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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