Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize