just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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