I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And then he peed in my hair
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