M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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