haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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