The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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