I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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