Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
