so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
