the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
