it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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