Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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