Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
