My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize