He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
