dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
