He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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