i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
