oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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