so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
