it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
