I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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