I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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