I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
