he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
