HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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