Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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