as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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