Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
whose parrot is this?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
