My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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