I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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