I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
