did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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