No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
