Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You smell like stripper and shame
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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