you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You made out with two different species that night
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
