Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can I color on your dick again?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
