As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
