Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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