He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
