you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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